I should be angry. I should be enraged and impassioned. I should be motivated to fight and struggle. But I’m not. I’m simply too tired.
I’m tired of going to my evolutionary biology class. Tired of being a gay in person in a space where all we talk about is critical importance of heterosexual mating behavior. Homosexual animal behavior was alluded to once – as something bonobos do for fun in their spare time. I’m tired of my sexual orientation being reduced to an outlier in the data.
I’m tired of hearing professors casually use the word “rape” in classes containing survivors of sexual assault.
I’m tired of being warned to avoid certain professors because they’re sexist. (Does anyone even ever say that to male students?)
I’m tired of people believing that my painted nails and long hair tell them anything substantive about me.
I’m tired of explaining why a lesbian cares so much about reproductive choice.
I’m tired of that little bit of discomfort every time I write or say “mi novia” in my Spanish classes.
I’m tired of going to parties with my straight friends and being the only one that doesn’t get the option of a hook-up (I enjoy sex just as much as everyone else.)
I’m tired of my dreams of motherhood being tainted by the extraordinary cost of IVF and the logistic and bureaucratic nightmare of the adoption process.
I’m tired of feeling feminist shame every time I enjoy a TV show or movie that happens to include female characters that personify lofty western beauty standards.
I’m tired of being asked if I have a boyfriend. The answer is always going to be no, no matter how much you’d like to define me by relationships with men.
I’m tired of knowing how much more likely I am to be raped that my hetero best friend. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.
I’m tired of knowing how likely it is that my hetero best friend will be raped before we graduate. She didn’t do anything to deserve this either.
I’m tired of explaining why feminism is still relevant.
I’m tired of being told I talk too much about “women’s issues.” You can bet that no matter how tired I get, I will never stop talking.